Mindfulness and Marriage:
Moving Along
by Maya Frost
Marriage is a fantastic opportunity to develop mindfulness.
I used to think that parenting took top honors, but really, a good marriage lasts a lot
longer than a good childhood. After all, the kids do move out eventually,
but the spouse stays.
Never the type to do things half-heartedly, my husband and I up the ante when it
comes to spending time together. We have breakfast together. We ride to work together.
We work all day together. We ride home together. We eat dinner together.
We go to bed together.
This could be a recipe for disaster, but instead, we think it's the coolest thing ever,
and we never take that for granted.
With all that proximity, we have learned tremendous patience and we've got a turbo-charged
sense of humor. This means that even in our snarkiest moments, we know we will find
a reason to crack up about it later.
In fact, some of our favorite stories are about moments of extreme mindlessness,
and if truth be told, I tend to be the mindless one.
I know, I know. I'm supposed to be the mindfulness expert. Well, as I always insist,
you can't be mindful of everything AT ONCE, right?
So, here is my favorite mindless moment--and what I learned from it.
While moving from Oregon to Montana years ago, my husband was driving the U-Haul packed
with all of our worldly possessions. Inside the cab of the truck with him was our second daughter,
Tara, and our hyperactive yellow Lab, Thor.
Meanwhile, I was driving behind him in the car with the other three daughters.
Hours passed. I obediently followed behind him, despite the fact that driving
behind a big truck is, well, annoying. So, when we finally got to the mountain pass
and the U-Haul was chugging along at 30 miles per hour, I felt it would be just fine
if I passed him and made my way to Missoula. I figured I'd get to the new house
first and get ready for the move-in, and have dinner ready for everyone.
The three girls and I sailed happily along Montana highways (no posted speed limit),
singing along with the CD and chattering with excitement about our new home.
In fact, I was so present for my carload of girls that I didn't even
stop to think that maybe Tom wasn't behind me. What could go wrong?
Well, everything. Unbeknownst to me, the truck's axle had broken, leaving Tom and Tara
and Thor stranded along the road miles behind me. He tried to call me on my cell phone,
but I had unwittingly turned off my phone. They ended up hitching a
ride in the filthy cab of a junk-hauling pick-up with three other people (hyper dog included)
for over an hour to stay at a hotel (hyper dog included) until the next day when the truck was repaired.
Needless to say, I got an earful when we were all reunited in Missoula. I felt terrible, and yet
I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of them stranded in Idaho with our out-of-control dog
yanking our daughter hither and yon while Tom was calling my cell phone repeatedly.
Fortunately, Tom and Tara laughed about it too--eventually.
What did I learn?
o It is not possible to hear your cell phone when it's turned off.
o Be wary of U-Haul's promised "Adventure In Moving"
o Stay connected, stay connected, stay connected.
o Being present in the moment doesn't always coincide with thinking about others.
o Sometimes it's better to go slowly, even if you're stuck behind a truck.
o Make sure you are married to someone who can laugh with you instead of holding a grudge.
Update: we are still happily married after 35+ years, and yep, my husband is sitting right next to me
as I type this!
The best mindful marriages are the ones that allow room for mindless blunders
and years of laughing about them together.
© 2004-2020 Maya Frost
When sharing, please include the following:
Maya Frost is an author, mindfulness trainer, and creative change strategist.
Learn more at MayaFrost.com
Want to read more stories and articles about mindfulness?
I used to think that parenting took top honors, but really, a good marriage lasts a lot
longer than a good childhood. After all, the kids do move out eventually,
but the spouse stays.
Never the type to do things half-heartedly, my husband and I up the ante when it
comes to spending time together. We have breakfast together. We ride to work together.
We work all day together. We ride home together. We eat dinner together.
We go to bed together.
This could be a recipe for disaster, but instead, we think it's the coolest thing ever,
and we never take that for granted.
With all that proximity, we have learned tremendous patience and we've got a turbo-charged
sense of humor. This means that even in our snarkiest moments, we know we will find
a reason to crack up about it later.
In fact, some of our favorite stories are about moments of extreme mindlessness,
and if truth be told, I tend to be the mindless one.
I know, I know. I'm supposed to be the mindfulness expert. Well, as I always insist,
you can't be mindful of everything AT ONCE, right?
So, here is my favorite mindless moment--and what I learned from it.
While moving from Oregon to Montana years ago, my husband was driving the U-Haul packed
with all of our worldly possessions. Inside the cab of the truck with him was our second daughter,
Tara, and our hyperactive yellow Lab, Thor.
Meanwhile, I was driving behind him in the car with the other three daughters.
Hours passed. I obediently followed behind him, despite the fact that driving
behind a big truck is, well, annoying. So, when we finally got to the mountain pass
and the U-Haul was chugging along at 30 miles per hour, I felt it would be just fine
if I passed him and made my way to Missoula. I figured I'd get to the new house
first and get ready for the move-in, and have dinner ready for everyone.
The three girls and I sailed happily along Montana highways (no posted speed limit),
singing along with the CD and chattering with excitement about our new home.
In fact, I was so present for my carload of girls that I didn't even
stop to think that maybe Tom wasn't behind me. What could go wrong?
Well, everything. Unbeknownst to me, the truck's axle had broken, leaving Tom and Tara
and Thor stranded along the road miles behind me. He tried to call me on my cell phone,
but I had unwittingly turned off my phone. They ended up hitching a
ride in the filthy cab of a junk-hauling pick-up with three other people (hyper dog included)
for over an hour to stay at a hotel (hyper dog included) until the next day when the truck was repaired.
Needless to say, I got an earful when we were all reunited in Missoula. I felt terrible, and yet
I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of them stranded in Idaho with our out-of-control dog
yanking our daughter hither and yon while Tom was calling my cell phone repeatedly.
Fortunately, Tom and Tara laughed about it too--eventually.
What did I learn?
o It is not possible to hear your cell phone when it's turned off.
o Be wary of U-Haul's promised "Adventure In Moving"
o Stay connected, stay connected, stay connected.
o Being present in the moment doesn't always coincide with thinking about others.
o Sometimes it's better to go slowly, even if you're stuck behind a truck.
o Make sure you are married to someone who can laugh with you instead of holding a grudge.
Update: we are still happily married after 35+ years, and yep, my husband is sitting right next to me
as I type this!
The best mindful marriages are the ones that allow room for mindless blunders
and years of laughing about them together.
© 2004-2020 Maya Frost
When sharing, please include the following:
Maya Frost is an author, mindfulness trainer, and creative change strategist.
Learn more at MayaFrost.com
Want to read more stories and articles about mindfulness?