Last week, I was being interviewed on a podcast. The host asked me a question. My answer surprised both of us.
You see, I had just explained how I started doing my creative breakthrough/grief work during COVID.
I told the host that I had been helping women who were facing devastating losses while also finding themselves as the sole breadwinners for their extended families.
They had all lost a parent, partner, or child (or a combination of these) to COVID.
They had all lost their own income due to forced closures.
They were in bed, in deep despair, feeling the weight of responsibility but unable to get up to do anything about it.
I wanted to be of service to the ones who had lost what felt like everything.
So, I had specifically asked my nonprofit contacts around the world to let me help those who were falling through the cracks.
I had no idea what I could do to help them.
But I had experienced more than my share of grief, and believed I could at least walk with them through their pain.
The stakes were high.
My psychologist friend told me I was in over my head.
But no one else was there for these women.
I just hoped that what I offered would help them.
(SPOILER: it did.)
So, then I was describing to the host how I had shifted last year to helping people walk through the emotional turmoil that comes with collapse awareness.
Grief, rage, fear, guilt. It´s quite a powerful combo, and it is knocking people down.
Just like my first clients who were reeling during the pandemic, many newly collapse-aware individuals have their first chat with me while they are in bed.
In despair. Unable to face the future.
So, when I told the podcast host that it was actually HARDER to help those facing collapse, it surprised both of us.
The reason that the despair and loneliness of COVID (even for those who lost someone close to them) was easier to deal with is this:
It was something we were facing en masse, around the world, and we could not ignore it.
Despite the very real challenge of distancing and the sense of isolation that created, we were all experiencing grief, confusion, fear, and loneliness at the same time.
It was hard for everyone, and in different ways.
But despite the challenges, it was a collective experience, and we were finding our way forward together, using our compassion, creativity, and even humor.
Remember?
Now, compare that to someone who wakes up to the reality of our warming world and crumbling systems, suddenly aware of the stark truth that our future will be painful and there is very little we can do to change that trajectory.
Much like the pandemic did, it feels surreal. Impossible, even.
If they are brave enough to say anything about it, they are likely to be seen as dramatic, misinformed, or unstable.
The people they love most and trust with this secret grief (their parents, partners, or best friends) may not only fail to understand their despair but dismiss them and tell them they are overreacting.
(Does any of this sound familiar to you?)
Collapse awareness feels like going through the pandemic ALONE.
Like you are the only one who understands what is happening
Everyone is walking around, no masks, no distancing, just going about their lives without the knowledge that a deadly virus is circulating.
THIS is why helping people struggling with the reality of our predicament is so challenging.
It can be a terribly lonely and isolating experience (though it doesn´t have to be that way.)
Bringing it up makes you feel like a Debbie Downer at best or a crazed conspiracy theorist at worst.
So, we shrink away from being depressing or scary.
We stay quiet about it around others.
And we spend more time online, where, lo and behold, there are actually OTHERS who recognize our reality!
Connecting with them is both validating and distressing. It shows that we aren´t the only one seeing the seriousness of our situation, but it extinguishes our tiny hope that we were wrong.
Though we continue to talk about it online with those we will likely never meet, in our normal daily life, we almost never mention it.
Oh sure, we might make a vague comment about what a shit-show ¨things¨ are, or how ridiculous our president is, or how hot this summer feels, but we don´t get specific.
And every day, we carry the crushing weight of our grief and the dissonance of getting up every morning and acting like everything is fine.
There´s another thing that makes collapse awareness more challenging than other grief we may have experienced.
It is not one big definable shock which is then followed by an overwhelming sense of grief that gradually lessens over time.
It´s more a death-by-a-thousand-paper-cuts situation, with daily triggers, escalating anxiety, and accelerating momentum.
It ramps up instead of trending down.
This continuous increase in present and future threats and losses is not something we humans are designed to deal with.
See, we are creatures who respond to immediate threats to our safety rather than looming ones. Plus, in this era of disconnection, we tend to focus on threats that affect us personally rather than collectively.
This is why we are failing to see and acknowledge what is happening. We literally cannot grasp it unless we work at it.
And, as you well know, that takes time, energy, and a willingness to experience waves of tough emotions.
Here´s yet another complication:
Most of those who are sensing what is happening are compassionate people who don´t want to hurt others.
We don´t want to cause harm.
We don´t want to go up to someone who is comfortably numb and blind to our reality, and rip off their blinders.
That would cause pain and suffering.
This is why the collapse-aware old-timers have been quiet for years.
They learned that people did not want to hear their warnings.
They chose to protect themselves and others.
And this is understandable.
But things are changing now...and quickly.
The signs of collapse are becoming undeniable.
Thanks(?) to the ratcheting up of all the bad news,
more of us are waking up to what is happening.
And we are finding each other!
We are CONNECTING and SHARING.
We host podcasts and write Substacks.
Oh, we are ON FIRE on this topic online.
But in real life?
We STILL don´t talk to the people closest to us about collapse.
Last year, I reached out to a handful of therapists, grief workers, and others who are helping people of all ages struggling with the psychological impacts of living in the world today.
ALL of them agreed that the grief of knowing we are witnessing the destruction of our planet and the crashing of our civilization is experienced differently than the loss of a loved one.
ALL admitted (at least, privately) that the traditional therapeutic approach is not relevant or effective as a way to help those who are becoming collapse-aware.
ALL of them felt that, for all humans living now, dealing with our emotions around the major changes we are facing will become THE defining psychological struggle of our lives.
Ready for some good news? (I thought so.)
Our responses to collapse are starting to get collective and creative.
We are beginning to build a sense of community despite the challenges of speaking openly.
We are actively starting collapse-related conversations with our loved ones, our neighbors, our co-workers, our clients, our students, and others.
And the more we talk, the more RELIEVED both sharers and listeners are feeling just knowing that they are not alone.
PROMPT:
If you´re lucky enough to have a group of collapse-aware friends in real life, you know how helpful it is.
But if not, please know that there are resources available to find groups of others to talk to. (I will share them below.)
Look, we need to accept the likelihood that things will get much worse.
And at the same time, we must connect and collaborate with others in thoughtful and even joyful ways.
This is the practice. This is our time to get creative together.
Because it is together that we can make life feel rich and worth celebrating, no matter where we are and what we are facing.
How might you connect with other collapse-aware people who live near you?
What can you do TODAY to connect with ONE person who shares your awareness?
Resources:
The Good Grief Network (goodgriefnetwork.org) is offering a group course starting in September called 10-Steps to Resilience and Empowerment in a Chaotic Climate. They offer sliding-scale payments as well as a number of scholarships. They also offer a monthly collective grieving space for Gaza. The next one is August 21st.
Ecopsychepedia offers resources for parents and caregivers as well as educators and everyone else
Climate Mental Health Network also has excellent resources.
Deep Adaptation Forum (https://www.deepadaptation.info/) hosts Circles, discussions, and other ways to connect and share.
Looking for individual support rather than groups or resources?
This is what I do. We start where you are, and walk together to find your balance, create a vision that inspires you, and a real plan for engaging in meaningful ways to build a future of love, care, and connection.
Learn more at MayaFrost.com