Leaning Into Longing As An Invitation To Adapt Creatively

Truly understanding what you long for clarifies and simplifies your present.

And that opens up time, space, curiosity, and imagination to start cultivating your future.

Today, I'm sharing the story of a client who brought her longing to life in ways that shifted her perspective about her past, present, and future.

Her lead longing: acceptance of the end of her marriage.

Cara (age 43) had been a dutiful daughter, stellar student, and hard-working 20-something.

She got married at 29, had two children, and stayed home full-time to raise them while her husband took roles that required extensive travel.

At 42, with her two children in middle school, and just starting her first full-time job since her twenties, Cara’s husband asked for a divorce.

She had not seen it coming.

I could summarize her experience, but I think it’s more meaningful to share client stories in their own words.

Here are her comments on Day 0 (before starting the 7-Day Lucid Longing Intensive), on Day 4 (mid-point), Day 8 (after the final series session), Day 14 (post-series check-in) and Day 30 (conclusion).

(All with her permission, of course.)

Day 0:
“I feel like I’ve been wearing blinders for thirty years, just looking straight ahead without really seeing what was possible or knowing what I truly wanted. It makes me sad to think of what I have missed.

But I need to stop berating myself, and focus on the good things in my life."

Day 4:
“Taking a look at the longings I inherited from my family has been surprising, but seeing how I have avoided what I actually longed for was a real eye-opener. I never allowed myself to examine why I was making those choices or considered the fact that I was free to make different ones.

Because of my ex-husband’s extensive work travel, it never made sense for me to get a job. We played our roles, and all the while, he was unhappy and I was too busy to lift my head up and look around at what was missing in our lives.”

Day 8:
“It’s been so helpful to finally appreciate how well I have been doing. I feel proud of myself. My sons are kind, loving, and funny, and truly the joy of my life. I am holding that rather than focusing on mistakes I've made.

Understanding what I have longed for feels like I have a map to guide me. It’s a bit blurry at the moment, but it’s starting to become legible!”

Day 14:
“I am loving my work lately! It helps that I am feeling more at peace about my life. It’s easier to focus.

This process is helping me see things in a different light. One of my colleagues (different department) has been divorced (with kids) for a couple of years, so I reached out to her. We had the best lunchtime conversation!

I am choosing to notice love and joy, feel grateful, and both appreciate and support those who show up for me."

Day 30:
"Recognizing my longing for acceptance of the divorce has helped me let go of my anger, grief, and guilt.

And I am applying that acceptance to my anger/grief/guilt about the state of the world, too. My Lucid Longing practice is really about seeing my own role, understanding that I am part of a much bigger story, and finding some sort of balance in all of it.

For me, having a community is something I long for. The divorce revealed who my friends really were. It was painful to see who I had lost, especially my in-laws.

But it has also freed me to make new friends who are more aligned with my life now. I want to actively connect (no, not dating sites) with people in my neighborhood, starting with a new local choir that’s forming. I am surprisingly excited about it!

And I finally went out with my divorced colleague and two of her divorced friends. It was like food for my soul. They shared some wisdom that I am already finding helpful. And it felt so good to laugh!"

Cara’s story is an example of the type of shifts that can happen in a short time once you see all that you have longed for, understand where those longings came from, what was underneath them, and how your choice to ignore or pursue them impacted you.

Her recognition of the role her longings had played in her life didn’t result in any big moves.

But it gave her clarity, invited her to choose acceptance, and opened her to deeper gratitude, new friendships, and community.

Three 30-minute calls.
A week of daily ongoing conversation (text, voice, video) and reflection.
Two follow-ups.

And a whole new view of the past, present, and future.

Prompt

What does Cara’s story bring up for you?

How might what you long for today help you begin crafting a future to fall in love with?

Invitation

What are you longing for as we begin this new season?

For me, it’s about slowing down, reflecting, and accepting whatever the season (election? El Niño?) brings.

I love this time of year. The leaves are starting to change here in Amsterdam. The cool air and darker mornings are stirring up past longings for fall when I lived in places where this season didn’t show up in the same way.

How are things feeling where you are?